A Thousand Burned Out Yesterdays
by angelcorrupted
Summary: You have only days....' Now going to be a series of somewhat dark, poetic fics in different POVs of the Wammy Boys. Warning: Colorful language, mentions of boy x boy, and spoilers for chapter 99. ON HIATUS DUE TO REWRITE.
1. Games

You have days when you ponder the reason why you listen to those people who call themselves parents. They never seem to stick to their promises, constantly saying that they're watching out for you when their decisions only make your life worse. You wish yours would just die.

You have days when you find your mind wandering to the previous week, reliving the bloodcurdling screams of those you loved. You see their lifeless faces on the floor of the kitchen and the billiard room. You notice the white cue ball is now dyed red, and the simple memory of it makes you hide your face so nobody on the streets sees your tears. You regret that wish now.

You have days when you attempt to figure out why you're stuck at the institution that calls itself an orphanage. It was really no better than living with parents, except maybe for the fact that these people actually allow the playing of videogames and they actually buy you some. They let you wear whatever you want too; you don't get scolded for dying your hair a bright maroon, wearing mismatched clothes, and constantly wearing goggles. Maybe it was different than living with parents.

You have days when you find yourself thinking about who that new kid is at the place you now call home. The kid was obviously older, but it was hard to tell if it was a girl or boy. The feminine body and face, as well as the neatly kept hair all pointed towards female. The facial expression expressed confusion and anger, and was twisted into something else that you can't explain. That pointed it to male.

You have days when you find yourself smiling at the brand new memory of walking into the room you shared with only yourself and found the new child sitting on the once vacant bed, staring at the ceiling while eating chocolate. You remember that the first thing you asked was if the new arrival was a boy or girl, and you remember the dark glare you received that sent shivers up your spine. You can remember the way the response was growled, which within itself implied it was a boy.

You have days when you curiously shoot glances at your new roommate, who you know is named Mihael but insists you address him as Mello. You know why this is, and don't bother questioning it; every child including yourself had aliases. It was as normal as you telling others to call you Matt instead of Mail. He asks you why you keep looking up at him from your DS and a faint blush starts on the tips of your ears. You stuttered out the most stupid question of your life that day, asking how the hell can he not be fat with the way he consumes chocolate bars. That was the first time you experienced what it meant to get hit below the belt extremely hard.

You have days when you find yourself smiling more than you should, and not because you just beat the hardest boss in the game on Legendary mode but because he's with you at your side constantly. You're smiling now because for once in your life you aren't feeling the emotion of loneliness. You find out what friendship is and what it means to be a true friend.

You have days when you want to beat your head as hard as you can against a brick wall, and you smoke more than you normally do on these days. You're wondering why the hell you're now noticing every single quirk about your best friend, wondering why your heart leaps out of your chest when you see him smile or when he teases you. You're wondering why whenever he pins you to the ground after you insult him and he whispers his final sarcastic remark in your ear you find yourself blushing like mad.

You have days when you don't get up out of bed, let alone your room. You don't sit up and you don't eat, nor do you drink anything. You don't move any part of your body and the symptoms of both nicotine and videogame withdrawal are obvious. On these days, you're wondering why the hell he left without telling you goodbye or asking you to come with him. It was only sensible that'd he do that, wasn't it? After all you two had been through?

You have days when you find yourself looking at your laptop screen in your decent apartment in Los Angeles. You have a cigarette dangling from your lips and your fingers are preoccupied with beating the final boss on your new Xbox 360 game, but somehow you're managing to keep an eye on the security cameras you set up around the building. You ask yourself why you did this, and what you were expecting to happen. You know he left when you had just turned thirteen, and you were nineteen now. You knew you weren't going to see him again, so you wanted to know why you had hope.

You have days when you think about the phone call he made to you. You think about the pained tone of his voice, and the way tears welled up in your eyes. You don't know if that was out of pity or happiness, but you dropped everything you were doing and went to where he was nonetheless.

You have days when you almost want to kick him out of your apartment, but you know you won't do that because he needs you. He isn't the same Mello as you were used to, but it would take time. The ever so vain Mihael Keehl would reappear once he got over the marks on the left side of his face. You ask yourself whether this was worthless hope like you had before, and you don't answer the question. You decide to live with what you have so far, and hope everything gets better.

You have days when you wonder whether or not what happened between you two was true or just sexual hunger. You think back to tousling his soft blonde hair, grinning at him while he grinned back. You can recall the feeling of his muscles under your light touch, and the way he shivered. Ticklish, of course. You smile a bit when you remember the night that was just a few days ago, the day you lost your virginity to the only person you ever trusted. To the only person you ever loved.

You have only a day to think about the rational possibilities of Mello's plan. You're positive he's thought these things through already, but it scares you to think about the consequences. He assures you that you won't die and neither will he, and he seals this assurance with a delicate kiss on your lips. He has no doubt, but his gentle touches don't ease away your apprehension.

You have only a minute to think about the pain that's ripping through your chest. The pain is like a thousand speeding bullets and that makes sense, since that was what was piercing your skin at the moment. The cigarette between your lips doesn't fall out of place as you're falling to the ground. It takes all the time it wants to move, and it falls from your lips as you take your final breath.

You have no time at all to think about anything else. Thoughts are nonexistent now, except for one. The last thing that went through your head that was now only an echo as you slipped into the silent darkness was something so simple, so innocent, and yet so unknown. You never told him to his face, and now you never would be able to. You spent days reflecting on the stupid things, but you never spent any amount of time voicing how you felt. You know realize you have no time at all to tell Mello you love him.

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Blabhalbah I don't own Death Note. that shit is last because I wanted people to read the feeling from astart to finish without the disclaimer.

I don't know what the hell is up with my writing on this. I don't write poetic things, even dark and angsty thingies. -shrug- I was listening to Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol while writing this, so I don't know why the fuck its so dark..maybe because it's almost 1 in the morning? ANYWAY. Review and I'll love you forevah.


	2. Chocolate

I do not own Death Note, nor anything else mentioned. Do I really need to go through this every story?

* * *

You have days when you find yourself thinking about why mommy and daddy scream and throw things at each other so much. They say words that you've never heard of in English. You think it's because they don't want you to know what they're saying. Too bad they forgot that they taught you English; you understand every harsh word spoken.

You have days when tears pour from your eyes because you just had to witness daddy shoot mommy then pull the gun on himself. You just had to be the one to see the horror happen. The streets of Germany were not full of friendly people, and you dread tomorrow. Why did it have to happen to you?

You have days when the only thing you can think about is your first day at the institution. Everything looked boring; everything was white. The old man who found you wandering around escorted you to your classes and to your room. He just happened to miss several glares you threw at him and any other children who had enough courage to look you in the eye.

You have days when you can't help but reflect on when you first saw that white haired freak The old man showed you to the playroom and introduced you to the younger boy, who was playing with Transformer dolls. Apparently he was 'one of the smartest kids there' and that made you snort. It just wasn't believable, especially when the freak looked up at you with blank, gray eyes. You'll never admit to it, but he kind of scared you.

You have days when you can't help but grit your teeth when you realize how many times a day you get asked whether your a boy or girl. You had thought you heard the last utter of the question until the silly maroon-haired boy wanted to know. You seriously didn't want to share a room with him after that.

You have days when you wonder why your roommate keeps looking at you. You know his name is Mail Jeevas, or Matt as you were supposed to call him, and that he had an obsession with videogames and that he was new to smoking, despite being so young. You ask him your question out loud, and you don't miss the nervous stutter in his voice. His question irritates you, serving him a hard kick to the groin.

You have days when you feel like you're about to pass out during your classes. Studying all night wasn't the best option for you, but if it was to get ahead of Near you'd do it. Being number two was not acceptable when it applied to you, and this was going to be no exception. You would surpass that albino freak of nature with whatever methods it would take.

You have days when you smile into your pillow before you go to sleep. The last thought that runs through your mind before you succumb to peace is the joy of having a friend. You've been lonely you're entire life, and never had someone to count on. You and Matt are inseparable, and you know the meaning of true friendship, even though you don't show it most of the time because of your aggressive personality. You know he knows how much you care, though.

You have days when you find yourself glaring heavily at nothing. L is dead and he hadn't chosen a successor, leaving Roger to make the decision for him. You expected that he'd want you to work alongside Near, putting away your differences. How foolish of him to think that it was possible!

You have days when you just want to stomp every single bar of chocolate in your possession into small pieces and feed it to vultures. You wonder why your heart flutters whenever you hear his voice or sense his presence. You keep asking yourself why thoughts that consist of saying he's adorable or cute pass through your head whenever he's serious about one of his games. You want to know why you think this way about your best friend.

You have days when the empty space in your chest aches. You packed up your things and left the orphanage without a second though, except you left one of your most valued possessions behind. You left Matt without saying anything, and you regret it. You can't go back there, though. No... not just to get him... nobody was worth you putting the time and effort into that... right?

You have days when you ask yourself where the hell you're going. Everything is just a blur within your vision, and all you feel is the numbness you've felt for the past few years. You know you need to pay attention out on these streets in America. You know it isn't as safe as you'd love to think it is; you know you can get killed out here. Yet, you still can't bring yourself to leave the nothingness in which you've consumed yourself within.

You have days when you attempt to bring the softer side of your personality back. You never try to show it around your Mafia buddies because they'd see it as vulnerability. At night, you sneak out of the headquarters to go somewhere random and you cry. That's all you do is cry. You cry over your parents, over how worthless your childhood felt, and about not having that spunky little redhead sitting next to you.

You have days when you think about how many times you danced with the devil that day. You were on the verge of a heart attack because of that officer, and then you almost blew your face up. So you called him. Yes, you called him. You don't know why he answered, but you're pretty fucking glad he did. You know you're okay now.. laying across his lap on his couch while he tends to your face.

You have days when you feel sorry for being such a burden on your best friend. You know you aren't yourself, and you know it's annoying him more than anything. You want to say something but you simply just can't, and you don't want to explain where you've been the past five years. He looks the same, though. He dresses the exact same way he did when you were kids, and he's kept his maroon colored hair. He even keeps all his consoles strewn about, just like he used to.

You have days when you can't help but grin like a fool at the memory of just a few nights ago. You know what happened was true, or at least it was on your part. You remember the way his fingers felt in your hair, the feather light touch of his fingertips on your side and the way you squirmed. Mostly, though, you remember losing your virginity to your best friend and the only person you ever loved.

You have only a day to think about the severe consequences of this plan you thought up. Kidnapping that Takada woman was not going to be a cakewalk, and you were fully aware of that. You know that it was most likely going to place you and Matt in jail, or under the ground if the situation escalated that far. You hate looking at the fear and apprehension in his eyes, so you try to soothe him. Thing is, you're trying to convince yourself that you won't die more than you're trying to convince him.

You have only a minute to think about the fact that he's dead. He's dead, he's dead, he's dead. You got him killed.. you're the reason he's dead. You never got to tell him anything that really, truly mattered. For instance, you never told him that you're sorry. You never told him you loved him.

You have no time left at all to think about anything else, except for the fact that the pain that was just thrashing around in your chest is gone now. Damn Takada. Damn Kira. Damn Death Note. Damn the fact that you never got to tell Matt you're sorry, tell him goodbye, and tell him that you've loved him since you were kids. The last thing that went through your head before your heart uttered it's last beat was nothing simpler than 'I wonder if he felt the same.'

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Review and all that jazz. I like reviews. Knowing people like my work makes me feel all happy and encourages me to keep writing. :D

Next Up: Near would like to express his poetic POV.


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